Marriage: roles vs duties

I recently grabbed lunch with my pastor and he asked me how married life is going. My response to his question shed much light on my [then] current view of marriage. I told him that we’re learning to settle into our roles of husband and wife: she wants to cook and keep the house clean, etc. and I want to be the man of the house, fix stuff, replace light bulbs, and grunt, etc. But as I trailed off he said, “But that’s not what marriage is about. It’s about pursuing God and letting your marriage transform you. What you just described is what the world thinks is important- not the Bible.”

I was confusing secular marriage with biblical mariage. In other words, our roles as husband and wife should be defined by the Bible; not by what we read in magazines or watch on television shows. As a Christian husband, my role is to love, lead, and serve my wife while constantly directing her to Jesus. Might serving her mean fixing stuff? Of course. But it could also mean cooking or doing the laundry. It doesn’t matter which duties I’m responsible for as long as I am satisfying my biblical role.


If a husband and wife are fulfilling their biblical roles properly then their practical duties can be sorted out depending on the couple’s liking.

I’m so thankful Jesus generously pours out His grace and helps me every day. I focus on the unimportant so often that I need Jesus to help me get back on course. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in the meaningless that I need Jesus to remind me what really matters.